playing in the rain

Ask a woman when she first realized that she wields some sort of power over men, that she is a sexual being, or that she is attractive, and chances are, they would be thinking hard for that liminal moment.

I, on the other hand, always knew when I first became aware that i'd grow up commanding attention, if not admiration and devotion, from men.

It was raining that day, and my best friend and I decided to play in the rain as usual. We were about 11. We were frolicking in the street, trying to splash each other with rainwater collected from a cup when one of the guys (he must have been in his early twenties) in the neighborhood passed by. Instead of the usual nod of the head, he stopped mid-step to tell me that i'm really growing into a lady now. He had a smile on his face. And he was staring at my chest.

I looked down and was shocked to see the nubs of my growing breasts poking through my wet t-shirt. Self-conscious and terribly embarassed doesn't cover it. He seemed to have noticed and smiled some more, but his eyes were gentle in their appreciation.

I immediately went home after that to shower and change, but not without a shy smile cast his way. And for the first time in my life, I looked at my chest to wonder how my breasts would look like when they're fully developed.

Because I have to be honest, they just looked ugly to me then.